Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
