Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
