Pants 0. Shit 1.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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