Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
