I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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