Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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