um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
