I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
