im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
