I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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