she smelled like a LAN party
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
