I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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