Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
