Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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