my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
