I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
