i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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