all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
