I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
