We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
