Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
