Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
