what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
