Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
