I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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