Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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