I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
