Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
