You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dick very happy bro
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
