Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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