Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
