The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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