I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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