Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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