Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
