every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
