Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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