he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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