google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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