You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
