So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize