The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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