the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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