i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
