actually, I'm a sock model
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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