i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
