she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
