im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
