dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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