If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize