I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
