You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
