Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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