he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
