it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
