I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
