I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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