If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
