Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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