Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
do herpes really smell.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
