Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
