Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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