My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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