is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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