i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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