Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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