Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
