Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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