i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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