I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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