New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
