fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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