OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
