he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
