I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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