Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize