look no pants
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
